Trust Nobody, Suspect Everybody
by Flaring Rhythm
Summary: When the team is called out to France to investigate a series of murders,they have no idea what they've gotten themself into...Problem is,the threat is closer to them than they think.Oh,did I say threat?I meant threats.Trust nobody, suspect everybody...
1. Curiosity Killed the Cat

_**Hi guys! : ) **_

_**Hope you like this! And keep sending in your OC's ;O Thank you so much guys, for the really lovely reviews and encouragement and things :) **_

_**Lots of love, **_

_**Flaring**_

_**Xxxoooxoxox **_

Chapter one- Curiosity killed the cat.

Skulduggery Pleasant sat peacefully in his favourite armchair, quietly mediat-

'SKULDUGGERRYYYY!'

Skulduggery jumped; disgruntled that he was awoken from his 'sleep'.

"What is it?" He asked, looking down at Druna who was holding his phone.

"This is ringing. It's your phone."

"Ahh, you'd make a good detective, Druna," Skulduggery said sarcastically.

Druna beamed.

"Really? I was going to be an owl tamer! But now you've mentioned it, I might be a detective!"

"Oh dear…"

Skulduggery took the phone off Druna and walked away to find somewhere to answer it in peace.

"Somehow, Druna, I don't think Skulduggery would take you on as a partner," Valkyrie said, sitting with Flaring and Ghastly on the sofa.

"Ah well, back to owl taming…"

Skulduggery entered a few minuets later, and made an attempt to get everyone's attention.

"Excuse me, everyone!" he called.

No one answered.

"Can I _please_ have everyone's attention!"

Again, nobody was willing to give Skulduggery their attention.

Skulduggery sighed, and Shakra got up on the coffee table.

"Look! Skulduggery's human!" She yelled, pointing to a non-human and slightly bewildered Skulduggery.

Everyone came up short and whipped their heads around to Skulduggery.

"Thank you," Skulduggery said, exasperated.

"You're not human!"

"Well done, Fletcher. How observant of you. Anyway, now I have been able to gain your attention, I have an announcement—"

"You're pregnant?" Druna asked

"No!"

"You're adopting a penguin?" Flaring asked hopefully.

"No! Look, would you all shut-up and listen!"

"Sure thang, sista from anotha mista!"

"…Thank you. As I was saying, my announcement is that we are going to France," when everyone was silent, he continued, "The French sanctuary has called us in. There's been a series of murders committed, in a small village in the Alps, called St. Gervais. The victims, by the looks of things, were just chosen at random. In the wrong place at the wrong time. And they were all mortal, but the murderer, or _murderers _are sorcerers, and it is becoming exceedingly harder to hide it from the villagers, so we've been called in."

There was a brief silence, broken by Flaring.

"Are we _all _going?"

"Unfortunately…yes…"

"Oi! What d'ya mean 'unfortunately'?"

"Unfortunately as in they want you three, as well!"

"Woot!" DFS yelled in unison, with a round of high-fives.

"When do we leave?" Valkyrie asked, attempting to bring some sanity back to the conversation.

Skulduggery hesitated.

"Tomorrow…"

"What!"

"I know its short notice but I was curious…"

"Curiosity killed the cat," Flaring said in an attempt at a wise sort of tone, stroking her imaginary beard and smoking a pipe that had bubbles coming out the funnel.

"In…deed…"

"So, we're using Fletcher to get us there?" Valkyrie asked

"Actually, no. They'd like us to take a plane, to give us a briefing on the drive to St. Gervais. And after that, we're on our own, I'm afraid." Skulduggery said.

Valkyrie noticed Fletcher pale at the mention of taking a plane.

"We're staying at-What is on my head?" Skulduggery asked.

Everyone looked at Skulduggery's skull, and burst out laughing.

"An owl," Druna stated, grinning.

"…"

"His name's Cealan" Druna smiled, patting the owls head.

Valkyrie spluttered.

"And why is he on my head?"

"You're a skeleton." Shakra grinned

If Skulduggery was able to look sarcastic, he would've. Instead, he clapped slowly.

"What I mean is, he wants to steal you."

Skulduggery instantly stopped clapping.

"You're making it sound like the owl's a body snatcher."

Druna erupted into horribly forced and nervous laughter.

"Ha! No, of course not…"

DFS shared a look and tried not to act shifty.

"Well,' Valkyrie sighed, standing up, "We better get packing."


	2. DFS on a Plane

Chapter two- DFS on a plane

Skulduggery, Façade in place, stood at the door tapping his foot impatiently, constantly taking out his pocket watch and tutting.

Valkyrie had been standing with him for a good ten minutes before she got bored of waiting for everyone else and went off to fix herself up a bowl of Coco Pops.

"Would you all hurry up!" Skulduggery shouted impatiently.

There was a mumble of "Sorry" and "Yeah, I'm comin' now, keep yer wig on" and then a rather large suitcase was tossed over the banister and landed heavily on the wooden floor beneath, followed by another, then another, and then DFS stumbled down the stairs and began reclaiming their bags and things that had fallen out of them.

"You know, if you were having trouble getting your things downstairs, you could've asked me to bring them down for you, instead of leaving a large hole in the floor"

"I perverted that. And anyway, it wouldn't have been as fun if you just _carried _the cases down, now would it?"

"Well, no, but…"

"Actually, it might've been, if we pushed him down the stairs and placed bets on how long it would've taken him to reach the bottom, it would've been fun…"

"Can I remind you that I'm still in the room?"

"Oh, right, sorry. Skulduggery, leave, so we can plan how to place bets as you die"

"…It's good to know you all adore me…"

"Oh we do, but not enough to care if you die"

"Fine…I'll just go kill myself now…"

"NOOO!" DFS all cried at once.

Skulduggery nodded smugly.

About ten minuets later, everybody was finally rounded up and ready to leave.

They were now all sitting in the car talking among themselves, the radio playing quietly in the background.

There was no room for DFS in the car, so they were graciously forced into the boot, among the suitcases.

The airport wasn't too busy, but that didn't prevent the group drawing a few stares as they breezed quietly through security and check in.

DFS had been given a stern talking to beforehand, warning them to try not to draw attention, or they would never hear of Fall Out Boy again.

Skulduggery actually had no clue who or _what _a Fall Out Boy was. It was basically an empty threat, but it got the girls to stay reasonably quiet.

"I hate airports," Fletcher said bitterly

"Why do you hate airports?" Valkyrie asked

"I just do"

"…You're scared of flying, aren't you?" she grinned

"Pfft, no…"

"You SO are!"

"…Look. I've never had to USE an airport before! So it's not exactly a bundle of fun knowing that I have to endure 2 hours of being 3000 ft. up in the air, and the only thing keeping my suspended is a hunk of metal! And knowing I could be at my destination in 1 second, but no, I have to put my life in danger 'cause a couple of French blokes say we have to for no proper reason!" Fletcher yelled

Valkyrie was standing in stunned silence.

"God, I am scared shitless of flying," Fletcher groaned, collapsing to the ground.

"Fletcher, it's fine, honestly. If anything goes wrong, you can teleport to safety, right?" Tanith said

"I-I think…so…"

"Well then, nothing to worry about, Ok?"

"O-ok"

"And besides, just think of that movie Snakes on a Plane!" Shakra said brightly, "They all died horribly, but still!"

"Oh God…I can't breathe…"

"Relax! If you feel scared, sing really, really loud." Druna said, patting Fletchers head.

"Why?"

"Dunno. Just felt you needed _something_ to make you feel better…"

"Oh my God, I'm going to die"

The intercom sounded and a bored voice spoke

_Ladies and Gentlemen, the flight EXG 415610 to Geneva International Airport had been delayed by six hours. We are very sorry for the delay. Thank you. _

Everyone groaned.

They spent the time in the airport lazing about and watching movies on Skulduggery's iphone.

They finally boarded the flight with no problems, except that Flaring ate her boarding pass 'for safe keeping' and Druna smuggled three owls down her t-shirt and Shakra smuggled Patrick Stump in her hand luggage.

Flaring, Druna and Shakra sat in a row, and Fletcher sat with Ghastly and Tanith and Valkyrie and Skulduggery sat in front of them. The flight was nowhere near full, and it was comfortable.

When the plane was up in the air, Shakra started loudly singing Air Hostess by Busted.

Druna turned to glare at her.

"Shakra, you know how I feel about your darn Busted fetish," she complained, spooning ice-cream into her mouth. She'd also smuggled that on the flight.

"Yeah, but I find it hard to care…"

Druna pouted and smacked Shakra over the back of the head with a Kerrang! Magazine. There was a brief silence, and then they dissolved into giggles.

Fletcher started singing to Foo Fighters loudly too, and Druna sighed. She should've never told him to sing.

"At least Fletcher has _some _taste…though it's not relevant…"

If Fletcher wasn't being so obnoxiously loud, he would've heard that and pouted.

A pretty sort of air hostess tottered up the isle, her blonde hair scraped back, her uniform neat, and her make-up immaculate. She looked cross.

"Will you please keep it down a bit? It's disturbing some of the passen-" she caught sight of Fletcher, who had momentarily forgotten his fear of flying and was gawking at her chest, and she smiled flirtatiously.

"Anyway, just try and be a bit quieter, it would be much appreciated," she finished hastily and then swaggered; in what she thought was a seductive way, up to Fletcher.

Valkyrie, Tanith and DFS made gagging noises and spluttered with laughter.

She leaned down and whispered something in Fletchers ear, and his eyes widened. He didn't care that everyone was staring at them both and trying so hard not to laugh.

"Slutty mush mush," Shakra murmured in a voice that sounded like she had just inhaled a considerable amount of helium.

Everyone roared with laughter.

The air hostess shot them a glare then turned back to Fletcher, being sickeningly sweet.

"Can I get your number, hon?" she asked

Fletcher nodded

"Sorry hon, I ate his phone," Druna said in the same sugary sweet tone. Everyone spluttered again.

The air-hostess raised her eye-brow, obviously pissed.

"Ok, keep a constant flow of people using the toilet cubicles, that way he'll never get some," Shakra whispered.

Tanith and Valkyrie clapped their hands over their mouths to stop from laughing.

The air-hostess glared and stalked off, leaving Fletcher sitting in dismay, wishing DFS hadn't came and ruined his chances of even a phone number exchange.

Everyone started discussing tactics and the full details of the trip and DFS decided to join in, abandoning their Connect Four game.

"So, what are we going to do about this guy?" Fletcher asked, going all business-y, but still clutching the arm rests of his seat 'til his knuckles turned white.

"We need to question him," Flaring said decisively.

"No shit. We don't know where he is though…"

"Ok, ok, I have a plan..." Shakra said, nodding.

"Oh _God_ no!"

"We use Fletcher as bait and wait for him to appear. Then we Duck

Tape him!"

"Ducks? What ducks?" Flaring said, looking around frantically.

"I doubt that will work…" Skulduggery said slowly.

"Don't doubt duck tape!" Druna slurred. She had gona a bit mad when the drinks trolley had came around.

"Fine! We'll trust you..." Skulduggery said, deciding to humour them for now.

"Is that a good idea?" Tanith asked Skulduggery nervously.

"Hell no! It's me!" Shakra said.

"Ahhhh yes...but it's all we've got." Skulduggery said unhappily.

"It's a dark day when people have to trust me..." Shakra mused sadly.

" I love that book," Flaring said happily.

"What book?"

"Dark Days. I love everything in it except the Fletchyrie"

"Oi! The Fletchyrie's the best part!"

"No WAY! The best part is China saying Fletchy doesn't stand a CHANCE!"

"Fletchyrie!"

"Valduggery!"

"Fletchyrie!" Druna insisted.

"Valduggery!"

"Fletch-"

"ENOUGH!" Skulduggery shouted, 'You lot!" He pointed an accusing finger at DFS, "Stay out of this! We are trying to work on a case here!"

"Ok," Flaring said solemnly.

There was a long and awkward silence.

"Ok, it's boring if you stay out of it. Come back in again," Skulduggery sighed

"Woot!"

The flight continued much like this, with Shakra saying "She was just going to roll down the window for some air" as she tried unsuccessfully to break the window with a Cream Egg. Fletcher got over his fear of flying, because Druna slipped some *a bottle of* whiskey into his drink and he soon passed out. Ghastly and Tanith spent the rest of the flight using DFS's Connect Four game, Valkyrie fell asleep on Skulduggery's shoulder, and Skulduggery sat quietly thinking 'sane thoughts' as he'd said when Flaring had enquired.

However, Flaring was nowhere to be found, as was Druna. Shakra was busy putting hair clips in Fletcher's hair.

Tanith wondered why it was so quiet, and looked up from the connect four game. Ghastly quickly slipped four red Connect Four pieces into the board and grinned.

"Hey, where's Druna and Flaring?" She asked. Skulduggery turned round and scanned around for the girls.

"Is…is that Flaring?" He asked, seeing fire-engine red hair poking up from down the isle.

"I'll go see," Tanith said, unbuckling her seat-belt and getting up.

"I won," Ghastly said, pointing to the game.

"You cheated," Skulduggery pointed out.

"It doesn't say anything in the rule book about not being allowed to cheat!" Ghastly argued, waving the pamphlet which had came with the game.

"Fair doos"

Meanwhile, Tanith was making her way down the isle to where Flaring was sitting beside a rather good looking man, with Druna on the other side of him. The man, surprisingly, didn't look too worried.

God help him.

"Hi guys," Tanith said, stopping to face them, "Who's this?"

The rather good looking man looked up and Tanith nearly fell.

"We found ourselves Robert Pattinson," Flaring grinned.

Tanith blinked.

"He's hot, isn't he?" Druna grinned.

Robert laughed.

"I…yes," Tanith said, smiling blissfully.

Flaring turned round in her seat to wave back up the rows at Skulduggery.

She turned back round.

"Tanith, I think Ghastly wants you. He looks JEALOUS!" Flaring grinned.

"Ghastly?" Mr Pattinson enquired, raising his eyebrow.

"Her husband," Druna nodded.

"He is not—"

"Whatevs! Go!"

Tanith sagged unhappily, gave Mr Pattinson one last big smile, then trudged up the isle unhappily.

"So..." Flaring began happily, "You single?"

Robert laughed, thinking Flaring was just joking about.

She wasn't.

"_Ladies and Gentlemen, we will be landing in Geneva International airport in 10 minutes. It is -5 degrees with heavy snow; we hope you have a good stay. And we apologise for the delay. Thank you," _said the air-hostess through the intercom.

Fletcher breathed out a sigh of relief.

_Land. _

**Wow, that was LONG :B Keep sending in OC's, guys! ^.^ **

**Flaring**

**xoxoxoxo**


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